


Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

by beautifulboimckinley



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: M/M, everyone gives connor its ok to be gay speeches, me cramming a shit ton of stuff into 2000 words, pretty in depth tbh idk how it ended up this short kms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 12:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11230968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulboimckinley/pseuds/beautifulboimckinley
Summary: How Connor McKinley let himself be happy, and how a certain Kevin Price could help.





	Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> warning: this is so goddamn short smh

The constant speeches that were obviously directed at him were beginning to become redundant. They didn't really have any point except for to try and comfort Connor, and it's not like they worked. Honestly, they did nothing but frustrate him. So today, Elder Connor McKinley, leader of District 9 of the Uganda mission, was sitting in absolute frustration and kicking his legs against the wood of the bench. 

"And so the...Babadook appeared from the heavens to comfort, uh, Fonnor BcPinley, and wiped away his tears. He told the whole world that being gay was ok, and embraced Elder McK - I mean, BcPinley, in his arms," Arnold preached, waving his arms around in enthusiastic gestures. Kevin nodded and glanced eagerly at Connor. Connor simply gave a small smile in response and looked away. 

After the "service" led by Arnold and Kevin (finally) concluded and Connor was at last free from his rickety, hard seat, Price approached him and grinned.

"What'd you think of today's sermon?" He asked, his smile faltering slightly and revealing anxiety. 

"It was, uh, good! But you really need to stop pretending that these aren't directed at me," Connor curtly admitted. 

"Sorry."

"It's pretty obvious that they're for me, Kev." 

"You know everyone here supports you, though. Right?" 

"Yes, I know." Connor chuckled and fidgeted with his tie. 

"You're blushing," Kevin stated. It seemed to be a simple observation, but it made Connor unmeasurably nervous and he replied with a shaky , "Oh, it's the heat. It's not easy being ginger!" They were interrupted by a small hand tugging at Price's shirt, and Kevin laughed and walked away to help the kids with prayer. 

"See you later, Kevin," He sighed. 

Connor mentally took back his note about the speeches doing nothing but frustrate him. They also gave him quality time with Elder Price. 

But when he lay in his bed after the sun was long set, he solemnly remembered that the speeches couldn't save him from those damned Spooky Hell Dreams. He tossed and turned, trying to stall the nightmares in vain. Eventually his body succumbed to the siren's song of sleep, and he took his nightly trip to Hell. 

There was a common misconception that Hell was hot. In fact, it was soul-numbingly cold. Although he was constantly licked by stray flames and red lava creeped through the ground he stood on, not an ounce of real heat touched him. It looked past him and teasingly grabbed at him, but never reached him. He was frozen - it was always like this - he was frozen until Elder Price put his hand on his neck and it got warmer, hotter, as he drew him closer, closer, closer...

He woke up with burning tears rolling down his cheeks and each breath in felt like fire in his throat. Oh, how he regretted begging for heat. 

The water beside Connor's bed grew saltier as he took tiny sips and it was infected with his sobs. When the glass was finished, he swallowed his fear and closed his eyes. 

When he arose again, the tears that had stained his cheeks were dry. 

As he examined himself in the mirror and brushed his hair and teeth, he noticed the prominent bags under his eyes and wondered if the coffee that Kevin swore upon would get rid of them. 

As he slumped down at the breakfast table, he announced that he was going to try a "cup of joe". 

After one sip that was spectated by a very excited Kevin Price, Connor promptly decided that he did not like coffee. 

This decision was greeted by a three-point explanation by Price that was probably too passionate on why the drink was one of the best things to ever grace the Earth, and it was preferable to the previous day's gay is okay speech. The lecture lasted about 3 minutes before the other elders began to plot rebellion. 

That boy was something incredible, wasn't he? 

Once properly situated at his desk, he filed approximately 0 papers before locking the door and taking a rather uncomfortable nap on his office chair. Although his neck craned in a quite strenuous position, because of the sleep that he had been deprived of the night before, he quickly dozed off. His slumber was soon interrupted, though, luckily before the Hell period, when somebody rapped loudly on the door. 

As he opened the door he discovered that the person was Elder Poptarts. He wanted to know if Connor ate the last Poptart. Connor quickly slammed the door on him with a forced smile decorating his face and lay down to try and rest again. 

His nap was yet again cut short when Elder Price walked into the room - without knocking (strange, wasn't it locked?) - and he was roused. He must have forgotten to lock the door after Poptarts's intrusion. 

"Kiss me, Connor," said a pretty voice that was filled to the brim with seduction. Oh. It was a dream. Of course it was, but the events seemed to flow like a violent river, and Connor was simply along for the ride. Honestly, considering he couldn't change anything, he'd prefer if he was still under the illusion that it was real life. 

So as Kevin pinned him up against the wall and kissed him until his lips turned blue, there was nothing he could do but watch. And when he gasped in pleasure and tried desperately to apologize to God before Satan's realm descended upon his office, he was stuck in a mixture of euphoria and torture that only the devil could've thought up. 

Maybe that was the day's Hell. 

Maybe guilt was all Hell needed to be. 

Connor was helpless as his insides were eaten away by shame. 

Forget flames and demons and dancing cups of coffee. 

Eventually he woke up on his own accord, and his first instinct was to put his head in his hands and cry. It wasn't the way crying normally is - he had to decide to cry. It was like he flipped on a switch and his feelings began to be regurgitated. 

Last night, he had felt numb, but now, he felt everything. He felt the stars that illuminated his soul when he looked at Kevin Price, and he felt the heat of them burning holes in his chest that could never be repaired, and he felt anxiety and confidence and hopelessness and optimism. Most of all, he felt regret. He regretted raising himself in a cage that hurt him every time he had to bend the bars. But it was too late to be free, wasn't it? 

He wasn't sure, but he thought he preferred numbness to this. 

And then another damned knock reverberated through the room. 

"I'll be out in a bit! Is it urgent?" 

"No," It was Kevin. Of-freaking-course it was Kevin. "I just heard you crying and I wanted to make sure you were ok." 

"I'm fine, Kev. Don't worry about it," He sighed. 

"Are you sure? Do you need us to write another sermon for you?" 

"Definitely not, Elder Price. I am fine." 

"...Ok."

That night, his dreams were a little better. 

Of everything that he expected to see when he walked into the kitchen, Kevin Price wearing a crop top was not one of them. 

"Goshdarnit, Kevin, you know I had a dream where you kissed me, don't you..." Connor muttered under his breath. 

"What?" 

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" He groaned. 

"Uh, yes. But don't worry - I've had dreams about kissing you. It's normal." 

"Ok. Anyway, good morning." 

"I like your shirt." 

"Naba gave it to me. She said it would look good with my abs." 

"She's right." Connor mentally slapped himself at his words. 

"I'd hope so," Kevin snickered. "Like what you see?" Then he winked. He freaking winked, and Connor felt his face go crimson. After a few seconds of silence, he walked to the stove and made himself an egg. 

As he wolfed down his breakfast, he tried to ignore the blood creeping up in his cheeks and how Kevin would occasionally send him a pointed smile from across the table. 

He couldn't stop the thoughts from squeezing their way into the crevices of his brain like the water that would always leak from the mission hut's pipes. And it almost felt like there was a separate entity in his head - one that ran constant commentary about Kevin Price's hair and eyes and lips and body. 

A vision of his brain so stuffed with those thoughts that it burst haunted him whenever he even blinked. And with every coming tangent about Price, he could've sworn that he felt his head swell. 

And one thing that certainly didn't want was his head to explode. So he knocked on Elder Price's door. 

"Hey, Connor." 

"Can I ask you something personal?" He asked, fear lacing the edges of his voice. 

"Sure," 

"Have you ever had gay thoughts?" 

"Of course. Everyone has gay thoughts." 

"I hate to break it to you, Kev, but that isn't true." 

"Oh." Poor Kevin looked confused at that revelation. "I guess I'm gay." 

"That's good, because I am too." Connor was surprised at the confidence with which he confessed that. It was something that had been gnawing at his mind for years - heck - his whole life. It gave him nightmares that mimicked Hell itself - and still he spilled it just like that. Maybe, he supposed, it grew rock hard after all that time. 

"That's all. I just needed someone to say that to." He chickened out. What did he even expect, anyway? 

"If you ever need to talk about it, I'm here." 

"Thanks, Kevin." He returned to his room. 

He watched the sun set through his tiny window and fill the sky with honey before it disappeared. The honey would eventually turn to darkness - it felt familiar. 

Maybe someday, he hoped, the darkness would make way for honey. 

The only fire he felt in his dreams that night were the sparks that came from kissing Kevin. 

And when he woke up he decided that now was the time for the darkness to fade. 

So he approached Kevin and gave a speech that was directed towards only him. It spoke of love and sorrow and self-hate and admiration and lust and Heaven and Hell, and it must have spoke to Kevin, because after he was done, Elder Price pulled him in by the tie and kissed him with all the burning passion one could possibly muster. 

Connor's dreams paled in comparison to the sheer enthusiasm and sincerity Kevin showed when he ran his hands through his soft red hair and held him as close as he could. They kissed for a while, drinking in each other like they were alcohol. When they finally parted, they were intoxicated and overwhelmed, and Connor felt his heart skip a beat. 

"So, what are we?" He asked. 

"Boyfriends?" Kevin answered,and a lilt of doubt revealed that he, too, had been anxious about the situation. It made Connor exhale in relief to know that he wasn't alone - it had likely been preventing Price from confessing also. 

"Boyfriends." Now it was final. He had signed his name at the bottom of an invisible contract, and now they were Together with a capital T. He blushed at the thought. 

Kevin leaned in again, more ferociously this time, and Connor giggled in response as his thoughts melted into an incoherent puddle, leaving no room for guilt. This wasn't Hell at all. It was heaven. His only regret was all that time he spent in the cage of sin and salvation. 

"You've done an awesome job, Kevin," He thought as Price kissed his forehead and smiled. 

Wishes are a beautiful thing, but dreams certainly aren't.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you could tolerate this lmao


End file.
